Part of a complete breakfast!
If you're a fundamentalist
Christian and though "Harry Potter" was evil and
corrupting the minds of our children, then you probably don't
want to read this, because obviously this is a cereal for
pagans and devil worshippers. I mean, just look at the
title! "Marshmallow Magic"? Magic is the devil's work!
Just look at all those occult symbols on those childrens' robes!
Like...stars and...swirls and things! They're obviously under
the pay of Satan! Not only that, but if you accidentally
spill the cereal, as we did, you'll find it spells the name of
the DEVIL HIMSELF! Beware!
Oh, heavily shall fall
the Wrath of The Lord on the shoulders of the sinners who corrupt
the minds of our children with their tasty devil-worshiping cereal
(part of this complete breakfast)! Yea, there are bright colors
and enticing shapes, but are such things worth the price of YOUR
ETERNAL SOUL, DAMNED TO HELL FOR ALL TIME? "Marshmallow Magic"
Indeed! There is no magic but the trickery of the devil! The devil
Look at this cereal
bag, with it's wide-eyed children and their arcane symbols? On
the cover itself are they flaunting their sin, engaging in some
vile ritual to their dark master for all to see! Is this what
you want your child to see, when they walk down the cereal aisle?
Innocent eyes drawn by bright colors to PAGAN DEVIL WORSHIPERS?
How would you like to see them crunching that cereal in their
little mouths, staring at pictures of SATANIC RITUALS while they
eat their breakfast?
No, good Christians,
we cannot stand for this! In the aisles of a store NEAR YOU, there
lies this vile filth. Sugary treats designed to lure your children
into complacency, filled with marshmallows in occult shapes like
"squares" and "triangles". Is that what you
want your children to eat, GEOMETRY? Geometry with is part of
MATHEMATICS, which leads to SCIENCE which teaches EVOLUTION AND
HERESY AND DEVIL WORSHIP?
I could not believe
the very eyes God gave me when I ripped open the package to stomp
on it's despicable contents in the middle of the aisle, spilling
it's contents on the floor and revealing THE NAME OF IT"S
DARK MASTER! Truly there can be no doubt to the evil inherent
in this cereal, and truly we cannot stand by while this CORRUPTS
THE MIND OF OUR CHILDREN! Burn it I say! Find the factory that
churns out this filth, and BURN IT TO THE GROUND! In the name
of the Lord, crush their machines and burn their offices so that
our children are safe. For the sake of our children, BURN IT,
BURN IT, BURN IT ALL!