July 20, 2003

Darkness as style

It astounds me how much having "problems" has become a normal, almost "cool" thing. So many people lately have casually mentioned to me that they're on medication, or that their friends hurt themselves, etc. etc. seems to be growing. They say this as if they want me to be astounded at how dark and edgy they are, how much pain they're in, how much they're suffering. Pain has become a fad. Being messed up has become the next generation's fashion statement.

What can I do? I smile and nod. I hurt too, but I don't flash it around. I have this blog, but no one knows where it is, and I manage to act almost completely normal in real life. It's no one's business but mine. It makes me realize how little they know me...especially after last year, how much I've been through. It makes me feel so much older than them, that I know how to sit back and observe people, how to slow down and let their words and their body language tell me things that they don't think they're saying. I'm not saying I get it right every time, but I tend to read people a lot better than other people seem to read each other.

If your pain isn't a fad, why do you flaunt it?

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